believe in yourself

"One thing I've learned from the past is to never give up, no matter how bad your result is. Don't let it stop you from achieving your dreams."

In the name of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

It's 8.22 in the morning. Yesterday was our last lecture here, as a pre-clinical year students. Honestly, I'm a bit nervous for my coming exams. Now I'm not mentally and physically prepare for it. But despite all of that, my fingers still dance on the keyboard and write this post. I feel a bit guilty for this but I still want to finish this post and to wash away all my negative thoughts. And this post is also for my dearly sister who will be taking her SPM soon, Aliah. This is for you.. :)

I remember those days when I struggled to calm myself down. Those days were the days I lost my appetite to eat and losing interest to have fun with my friends. Those were the days when I spent my day working and the rest of it at home, completing Sudoku. Funny isn't it? I was so scared, terribly scared. But at the end of the day, I said to myself, I have to face it no matter what. Whether it is good or bad, I have to accept it and be grateful to Allah for it. Because Allah knows what's best for me. My result wasn't like what I expected, but Alhamdulillah, I passed all the papers. I am being completely honest; I'm just an ordinary student. But I believe in myself that I can go far beyond my imagination, beyond my expectation. And so do you. Yes you can. I believe the only thing limiting you is your thoughts. Only you have the power to change your thoughts. Look forward and dream of what is possible for your life. With action, anything in life is possible. Yes, we all can do it.

"Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve."

[Dato' Sheikh Muszaphar Shukor] 

I love the quote. I've been keeping it in my heart and mind ever since I read it in Dato' Sheikh Muszaphar Shukor's book. Life has thrown some rocks in my stream and one of it has helped me to become stronger, to become who I am today. Sometimes struggles and challenges are exactly what we need in our lives. All the challenges are the nature of life which has helped me to grow up and to become more mature. One thing I've learned from the past is to never give up, no matter how bad your result is. Don't let it stop you from achieving your dreams. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.. :)

A few years ago, I was that girl sitting in her room imagining her dreams, putting her best effort to achieve her dreams. Alhamdulillah, with patient and faith I have in Allah, I've achieved a part of my dreams. The key is faith. Have faith in Allah and have faith in yourself. Take a good care of your relationship with Allah. Never neglect your five times daily prayers because that is the most important thing and the best communication we have with Allah, which is also the only way you can conceive Him that you really want this. Trust me, if you have Allah, you have everything and you lost nothing.

I look forward for adventures in my life. Now that I'm here, pursuing another dream of mine, setting goals and resolutions. I've been planning so many things for the future, insyaAllah. So, in order to achieve all that, I have to work hard and be persistent. Please pray for my success in this world and the Hereafter, to become the best Muslimah Doctor, InsyaAllahu Taala.

Our results will show us the hard work we've put on for the past few years or months. It shows us how much effort we've put on. By the meaning of 'effort', it's not just about burning the midnight oil. It's also about how earnestly you pray to Allah. If you fail to achieve your target, it is not the end of everything. Bear in mind that Allah knows what's best for you. Failing doesn't mean you are a loser. In fact, failure is the best teacher. The reason why Allah make it a bit harder for you is to make you a fighter. He wants you to feel and appreciate the feeling of victory and success. Set your aims and goals, and try harder next time. And if you pass with flying colors, then Alhamdulillah, say Alhamdulillah. Remember, nothing great was ever achieved without Allah's help. And His help is always near to us. May Allah bless us all! :)

Love,

     

on forgiveness and fairytale

"Learn to forgive. Forgive everything from the past and forgive anyone from your past. Because on this world, nobody is perfect."

We all make mistakes. And it is always good and noble to forgive someone in your life. In love, teach to forgive the one you love. It doesn't matter how bad or how much it hurt before, learn to forgive them. Even if they are not sorry. The best thing of forgiving someone is you are pleasing Allah Taala. InsyaAllah, only He can cure our hearts. And I also hope anyone that I've hurt will forgive me too. :)

"When you stop searching for a prince and make Allah the King of your heart, He will help you to complete your fairytale. InsyaAllah."

Remember, Allah always has a better plan for each and one of us. Alhamdulillah, I can't tell you how thankful I am to Allah that because of Him, I've learn to improve and see my mistakes in the past.  I've done so many mistakes. Now, all I want to do is to change myself to become a better person. InsyaAllah. I believe in Allah. I believe that He has written something special for me. Special that it takes a lot of patience and prayer. And all I want to do now is to prepare myself for that special person. A special person whom I'll be spending the rest of my life with, through thick and thin, and the most important things - the one who will lead me towards Allah, who will become the Imam for my prayers, the father of my children, the one who will always hold my hands and together helping each other to attain Jannah. InsyaAllah. To me, it's not just about love. It's more than that. It's about responsibility and commitment. It's about the beginning of the journey towards forever in Jannah. And most of all, I want it to be special, to experience it according to what Allah has already planned for me.

InsyaAllah.

I will always be waiting for that day to come.

Dear heart, have faith in Allah.

Love,

our aidiladha here is awesome!

assalamualaikum wbt..

alhamdulillah.. Allah give me the chance to celebrate my 3rd eidul adha here with him and my sweet housemates and my cutey cute friends. last year i celebrated my raya korban dekat rumah sabah alex and the last two years seha sambut dekat rumah sabah di cairo. last year ada buat korban tapi this year tiada buat. hope untuk buat korban together dengan dia next year, insyaAllah.. :D

jom tengok gambar! :)

alexandria yang cantik after subuh..

happy begambar dengan kambing yang bakal ke syurga.. :)

shaun the sheep :D

kambing coklat comel kena sembelih dah.. :(

 kepala kambing-kambing yang sudah goodbyee..

lastly, ada video untuk kamu semua sempena raya korban ni..

a very nice video that had made me thinking of what i'd sacrificed in my life.

from Syab Production.

okay.. that's all untuk kali ni.

mau tidur awal sebab esok mau pergi asrama MARA untuk jamuan raya korban.

maybe ada gambar lagi.. hee.. :)

may Allah bless!

harap yang baik, diri sendiri kena jadi baik dulu..

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim..

assalamualaikum wbt.. :)

hmm.. rasanya semua orang mesti impikan dan harapkan someone yang baik dan soleh untuk jaga dan bimbing kita di masa hadapan. siapa yang tidak mahu kan.. someone yang Allah hantar, soleh dan sangat menjaga dirinya, sudah menyediakan dirinya untuk jadi imam dan mendidik kita dan anak-anak kita. someone yang bangun dan solat dengan kita di sepertiga malam. indahnya.. :)

tapi pernahkah kita terfikir, kenapa tidak kita sendiri dulu yang berubah jadi baik sebelum mahukan orang yang baik? seha sendiri sedar yang diri seha banyak sangat khilaf dan kurang. kadang-kadang malu sangat dengan Allah. rasa malu mau minta ampun sebab selalu buat salah. tapi lama-lama seha sedar, kadang-kadang Allah biar diri kita diselubungi dosa supaya akhirnya akan jatuh air mata sebab takutkan azabNya. dan saat itu, kita akan kembali kepadaNya.. memohon ampunanNya. :')

jangan pernah kisah pandangan orang lain dengan kita, sebab bukan dorang yang bagi kita hidup dan rezeki. hakikatnya memang manusia suka judge orang lain tanpa tau hal sebenar. masa yang diberi sepatutnya digunakan untuk menilai diri sendiri, muhasabah diri. ya, kita mungkin ada masa silam namun kita juga masih punya masa hadapan. sebab tu, dalam waktu umur beginilah seha makin sedar yang seha patut banyak berusaha untuk lebihkan yang kurang dan mentarbiah diri. kena lebih banyak menyediakan diri dan bekalan bukan saja untuk masa hadapan tetapi untuk akhirat kelak. insyaAllah.. :)

mari sama-sama kita kongsi cara untuk JADI LEBIH BAIK.. sebenarnya banyak, tapi seha kongsi apa yang seha try usaha buat masa sekarang. insyaAllah..

1) SABAR

seha ni bukanlah nda sabar.. cuma bila ada dugaan, ada masalah sikit, mulalah menangis. lepas tu, susah pulak mau mengadu dengan siapa siapa kecuali dengan orang yang seha rapat dan percaya. bila susah mau luah dengan orang, baik luah dengan Dia. sebab Dia Maha Mendengar. rasa lega lepas luah sebab seha tau Dia faham.. :')

sabar itu sangat indah..walaupun susah untuk dipraktikkan. orang kata, campaklah kita walau dimana pun, kalau kita sabar, semuanya mudah diharungi. itulah kunci utama, kena lebih banyakkan SABAR. :)

"Wahai orang-orang yang beriman! berSABARlah kamu (menghadapi segala kesukaran dalam mengerjakan perkara-perkara kebajikan) dan kuatkanlah keSABARanmu (lebih dari pihak musuh di medan perjuangan) dan tetaplah bersiap-siaga (diperbatasan negerimu) dan bertakwalah kepada Allah agar kamu berjaya (mencapai kemenangan)."

[Al-Imran:200]

jangan pernah mengeluh dan menyalahkan Allah atas takdir yang menimpa kita. mungkin semua yang terjadi kerana khilaf kita di masa lalu. jangan pernah menuding jari kita pada Allah. sedarkah kita bahawa Dialah sebaik-baik Perancang dan Maha Mengetahui dari kita.. sememangnya kita tidak layak untuk menyalahkan apa lagi untuk bertanya kenapa nasib kita sebegini.

"Tidaklah seorang muslim ditimpa penyakit melainkan Allah akan menggugurkan bersama dosa-dosanya seperti pohon-pohon yang menggugurkan daun-daunnya."

[Hadis Riwayat al-Bukhari]

 

2) TOPUP KNOWLEDGE

makin lama belajar, makin kita akan rasa banyak benda yang kita tidak tahu. dan makin lama kita akan sedar betapa besar kekuasaanNya dan betapa kerdil dan sedikitnya ilmu yang kita ada. orang kata, kita kena ikut macam padi. makin berisi, makin tunduk. makin banyak ilmu kita dapat, makin taat dan patuh pada Allah, makin rasa rendah diri bukan sombong dan tambah jauh dariNya.

jadi, untuk lebih dekat denganNya, kenalah topup ilmu kita yang sedikit ni. macam mana? banyak buku ilmiah yang dijual sekarang ni. pergi MPH, berlambak buku yang ada. tapi bukan dari buku ja kita boleh dapat ilmu. kalau malas beli atau buka buku tapi rajin buka lappy, cari pakai internet. banyak artikel dan video yang bagi pengajaran sekarang ni. banyak ruang yang Dia beri, kenapa kita nda guna sebaiknya kan..? lagipun, bukan perut saja perlu diisi, otak dan hati pun kena isi juga. :)

3) PERGI KELAS ILMU

kelas ilmu ni nda kisah ilmu apa, asalkan kelas tu buat kita tambah dekat dengan Dia. pergi usrah atau SC pun okay. sebab dalam SC mesti kakak SC bagi ilmu yang dorang pernah dapat. seha sangat sayang kakak SC dan ahli-ahli SC seha. bila mau buat SC lagi eh? :)

pinjam gambar dari fb jiji.. masa dinner batch. :)

 

okay, back to the topic. mesti semua sudah tau, kat sini, mudah mau cari guru untuk ajar bahasa arab atau ilmu agama. bila orang ajar kita benda baru dan betul , kita kena terima dengan baik. orang ajar dan tegur kita sebab sayang dan kisah dengan kita, bukan mahu menghina kita. biarpun orang yang menegur dan mengajar kita itu tidak buat apa yang dia tahu, tapi ilmu yang disampaikannya itu adalah benar. jadi jangan terus tolak apa yang kita terima tanpa berfikir. "amatlah rugi orang yang sudah sampai kebenaran padanya namun dia menolak dengan perasaan bongkak dan benci". 

seha dengan housemates tengah cari kelas bahasa arab sekarang sebab next year dah masuk clinical year. dan sekarang, tiap hari isnin kami ada kelas belajar Quran dan tafsir. alhamdulillah.. insyaAllah lepas ni mau tambah lagi kelas sementara masih mampu dan belum sibuk dengan study. sama-samalah kita cari ilmu selagi Allah masih bagi masa dan kesihatan kepada kita. :) ilmu rumahtangga tu seha minta dari mama sudah okay rasanya.. hehe. plus ilmu yang dapat dari kursus kahwin, insyaAllah akan banyak membantu nanti. :)

4) MENCONTOHI WANITA-WANITA SOLEHAH

dalam hidup ni, Allah dah sediakan banyak contoh wanita solehah untuk kita teladani. Siti Khadijah, Siti Aisyah, Fatimah, Sumayyah, Maryam dan ramai lagi.. semua kisah, akhlak dan amalan mereka dapat jadi pengajaran buat kita.

thank you dila for the book.. really useful for me. :)

untuk jadi ibu yang baik pula, seha jadikan mama dan bakal mak mertua sebagai contoh.. sebab mereka contoh terdekat dan terbaik bagi seha. mau belajar urus rumah, boleh perhati cara dorang uruskan rumah. mau belajar resepi baru, boleh ikut masak sekali.. kan senang, boleh praktikkan terus. :)

5) BANYAKKAN BERDOA

Allah suka umatnya yang selalu berdoa, mengadu dan meminta padaNya. berdoa ni macam satu penghubung antara kita dengan Allah. so, create the link please.. :)

"berdoalah kepadaKu nescaya Aku (Allah) akan perkenankan"

[surah Ghafir 40:60]

'Kenalilah Allah di waktu lapang, nescaya Dia mengenalimu di saat sulit.'

[Riwayat selain Imam at-Tirmidzi]

 

doa tiap kali lepas solat, doa di setiap sujud terakhir solat kita, walau bila-bila masa pun boleh berdoa.. minta dengan Dia, untuk jadikan kita umatNya yang baik dan solehah. minta dengan Dia, hadirkan someone yang dapat bimbing kita ke jalanNya dan dapat sama-sama mencari cintaNya. insyaAllah.. :')

takdir kita semua dalam tanganNya. kita adalah hak mutlak Dia. setiap skrip kehidupan kita, Dialah penulisnya. kita yang merancang, tapi Dialah penentunya. lepas berdoa, yakin dengan apa yang Dia berikan.. sesungguhnya setiap apa yang Dia beri adalah yang terbaik untuk kita. teruskan berdoa.. dan jangan terpedaya dengan mainan dunia, memang yang haram itu semuanya nampak indah. tapi pengakhirannya derita dan seksa. kenapa seha cakap semua ni? entahlah, untuk peringatan buat diri sendiri yang sering terlupa. sering perlu diingatkan. betapa jauhnya kita dengan Allah, sedangkan Allah sentiasa melihat kita. sentiasa..

p/s; semoga dengan entry ni seha dapat kongsi serba sedikit usaha untuk membaiki diri.. jom sama-sama berubah. :') semoga Allah mendengar rintihan hati kita yang ingin berubah dan lebih dekat denganNya. walaupun setitis embun hidayah yang mengalir, ianya cukup indah kerana fitrah untuk kembali kepada Allah itu tetap ada. dan semoga Allah menerimanya, insyaAllah.. 'mujahadah itu pahit kerana syurga itu manis'. may Allah bless! :)   

my dream 8

since young, i always dream of having an underwater room like this.. :)

but as the time flew, i just dream of sleeping here for only one night..
it's enough for me.. :')

this is a picture of Poisedon Underwater Hotel at Dubai.

it will always makes you feel bitter to let go of your past. but always remember; that bitter feeling will make you a better person.. insyaAllah :')

hakikatnya semua orang itu pernah dilahirkan suci bersih tanpa secalit dosa. dalam jalan menuju dewasa, setiap manusia akan ter'kotor' sedikit dengan membuat kesilapan. tetapi, jangan judge seseorang itu melalui masa lalunya. lihatlah usahanya untuk berubah sekarang dan bertaubat. yang penting jangan menghukum orang, kerana itu hanya hak Allah. Wallahualam..

not intended to offend..

I am not perfect; I think the idea of a perfect person is absurd and impractical. Still, the human race continues to search for this one criterion to be their mate, though preferences differ.

But one thing I am clear about; I do not care who smokes or who doesn’t, who is a virgin or isn’t, who drinks or doesn’t, who is screwing who now, or who is gay. Why? Because people make decisions and some of them are bad calls, but that does not give you the right to judge them base on the predicament they came to make. My religion is clear on these things, but whatever I choose to do; my head is on the line.

Smoking used to be looked at as the in thing to do, even doctors recommend smoking to relieve stress related problem. Until they found out that it shortens your life expectancy by a wide margin and the suffering you have to endure with cancer and emphysema and all those diseases. But yea, I’ve friends who have or are smoking. It’s typical for parents to say “You shouldn’t be friends with him/her,” because they’re smoking. It’s only their instinct to look after their young. If you’re old enough, or at least mature enough, you would probably come to think that not everyone who smokes is bad people. Really, I’ve seen people who actually think that. And so far, I’ve never heard any one of my friends went robbing or raping someone. That typical mindset is hilarious and pathetic. He smokes, thus conclusion, a bad person. Wow, genius.

Same goes to the virgin thing. The judgement is harsh on females, if you live where I do, you might get shunned *gasps*. I know some girls who aren’t, and they’re not sluts as people assume by what they see in tv. They didn’t do it because they’re sleeping around or even with random guys, its mostly with guys they know very well or trust. I’m not saying it’s right, but again, you can’t judge someone base on that. There is more to a person than the appearance, and if you can’t see that, too bad for you. Some of these are nice girls who make bad choices. And to hear people, especially guys, calling them by all those ever wonderful words, I just kind of feel sorry. But yea, you can’t tell if a guy is actually a whore or not, claps for you.

Gay or straight; the controversial topic. Personally, I have no problem with the gay part as long as it’s not my husband. Seriously, they’re just different in the sexual department. I know Malaysia has this attitude towards the gay community (Saya Gay, Saya Ok). Okay, that was the dude’s fault, he should’ve known better than to go public about his orientation. Keep it on the DL if some of you are, it’s safer. Preferably, I wouldn’t want anyone I know to be gay, but if you are, doesn’t mean I wouldn’t befriend you. Someone once said to me “If you know they are gay, you shouldn’t shut them out. It’s hard enough to know that you’re different, they shouldn’t have to face it alone. You could be a good example, give advice to them and support. Who knows, maybe one day they’ll see the light and change?”

This is just my point of view, you might argue with some of my points and disagree. It is all entirely up to you. I admit, the smoking and drinking bothers me, but when they don’t do it, they are just like any other person. Just remember that not everyone likes to be judged, people change; it isn’t fair. Treat people the way you would want to be treated. Life’s a wheel.

just leave..

"when you met someone better, who love, care

and make you happier, just leave. it hurts more when you tell."

another memory with him..

tadi urut aba.. sambil story morie dengan aba..

bestttt... apa apa ja aba cerita mesti ada nasihat yang teselit.

itu yang aku rindu.. his advices :')

aba cerita pengalaman aba masa muda muda dulu, masa mau kawin dengan mama.
aba cakap banyak dugaan, suka duka aba n mama untuk besama..
aba cerita sampai mengalir air mata dia..
sedeyla pulak tiba tiba.. :'(
banyak pesanan aba bagi tadi..
aba pesan pilih pasangan hidup bukan untuk keseronokan tapi untuk masa depan,
hidup kena fikir matlamat jangka panjang..
aba, insyaAllah kaka ingat semua pesan aba ya..
kaka pegang kata kata aba..
i promise you, no matter what, you'll be the first man here in my heart :')


thanks for the memory..
ily :-*

hope to be kids again..

I wish to be a kid again...

because i can play for hours...

& losing someone doesn't hurt that much...

I guess time flew so fast, and sometimes i couldn't catch up. Back then it was so easy. Homework doesn't bug you, boys aren't so mean, friends don't give you troubles, you don't get to know your family problems, you just think of candies n balloons, life doesn't make you depressed a lot.

Also, back then, candies and ice cream were the best healer, riding bicycle makes you feel free,  playing king and queen makes you feel like the world is yours, pretending to marry your dream boy was so easy, everything seems so easy back then. Everything was a piece of cake.

i guess time change almost everything...

even YOU and I have changed~

this is huge; i am saying it out loud

 

i am saying it out loud.

this is for those whom i had hurt, whom i had cheated, whom i had thrown away purposely.

I AM SORRY, and it comes within me.

how bad i acted, how screwed i am, i wouldnt care whose fault is it now, i am sorry i messed up, or even entered your life. i am coming clean now. i'm getting fed up on how life works, someone has to end it. 

understand me, sometimes i just felt like the universe is about to crush me, and my heart is about to explode anytime. and i felt that insecurities, and how i hated the way you guys talked about me; critisizing the way i lead my life. everyones got a chance to make a choice, including me. i got my own way, and so does you.

to dotdot (cant say his name here), i just wanna apologize if i am being rude and too harsh before. i know it's my fault, and i am asking for apology now. 

i never wanted to hate, but as if you wanted it that way, so i go with the flow. sometimes i just wanted to stand for myself, but my words hurt your feeling as bad as it hurts mine. sometimes i just dont wanna look too weak, so i fight back. or maybe it hurts so bad that you took one of the precious thing in my life, i just couldnt have it back. it's now; WAS PRECIOUS. no, i'm done with blaming accusing and all, this time i just wanted to say sorry if i hurt you. and sorry for that smsing and calling thingy, i just cant seem to face reality though before, but now i'm handling it very well. 

and yeah, i know it doesnt matter for you anyway, but i'm forgetting all of those things that hurt me before. i really am moving on. and i forgave everything.

and now that i have done my part, i dont hope for anything in return, i just know i had to do this. i cant keep any of those anger in me anymore.

my regrets, i just want to start a new page.

pheww :') legaaaaaa...

saya sayang mereka ♥

 family saya :)

 adik beradik saya; adek, waya, umai, piee n wawan :)

 loving daddy and pretty mummy :)
and 2 handsome little brothers

my sweet n cute sister.. paling banyak gambar dengan adek

kan kan kan :)

 my besties; anie, nad n sofi :)

 rindu masa 1st year..

kita 4 orang selalu nakal n buat hal :D

walaupun jauh, kamu semua tetap dhati kaka :')
mama n aba jangan risau ya,
apa pun kaka decide, kaka takkan membelakangkan mama n aba..
promise :)

hurt them,

then you'll hurt me too..

i miss all the moments we'd shared together..

before 2010 comes to an end..

before the year comes to its end..
before 2010 change to 2011...

i would like to say that i'm sorry.. to all.

yea, to all.

well, people do mistakes n sometimes they keep repeating the same mistakes.

so, again..
..SORRY..

and...
i would also like to say THANK YOU..

i've listed all the apologies i wanted to make..

and i would like to make a list of appreciation too ;)

to the Almighty,
thank you.. i'm grateful for having You in my life..
thank you for being there every second and every millisecond for me..
thank you for choosing me to be born as muslim..
thank you for the chances of living this life..
thank you for giving me the chance to change..
thank you for every breath that i took..
thank you for giving me lovely people around me..
thank you for everything..thank you, thank you, thank you.. 
though thank you would never be enough..
THANK YOU, ALLAH.. ALHAMDULLILAH~

to my mama! =D
i love you..
eh, i want to say thank you bha pula.. okay..
dear mama,  
thank you for all your hard work and sacrifices..
thank you for your not-sleep-at-night when i'm sick.. :')
i will never forget that..
thank you for all your guidance.. without your guide, i might choose the wrong path in life..
thank you for every bits of your love you gave me.. i'd never lack of it.. 
i'm glad to have a great mother like you mama.. i will always love you :)
thank you for everything, yea E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.

to my aba,
i love you... opss, don't say it, prove it bha pulak kan :D
thank you for being a father who was always there for your kids..
thank you for your patience and care which never ended..
thank you for your trust on me as the oldest in my siblings..
thank you for being faithful.. to my mama, to us, to everybody..
thank you for showing me what love is..
thank you for teaching me what loyalty really meant..
thank you for proving to me that guys weren't all the same..
you are the great father ever.. i just love you too much! :')
 
to my siblings,
thank you adek for being a very supportive and loving sister..(jangan kembang sana :P)
thank you waya for being a very 'sengal' sister.. hehe. study well for your PMR okay? :P
thank you umai for being a very sweet sister.. huahuahua. you're my lil buddy what? hee~ nanti dapat hadiah dari mesir for your UPSR okay?

to my best friends who meant the world to me, 

thank you for being there to make me laugh..
thank you for being there to cheer me up..

thank you for being there to give me support..

thank you for being there when i cried..
thank you for being there when i needed someone to talk to..
thank you for being there when i needed all of you the most..
thank you for being there when others were leaving me..
thank you for being there to comfort me when something was bothering me..
THANK yoU FOR ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR ME..

to the person with the name starts with an A a.k.a. b (haha. that's his name code in this blog),
thank you for all the bittersweet memories..
thank you for teaching me lots of thing that others had never teach me..
thank you for making me a tougher person on the inside..
thank you for giving me the opportunity of being loved and to love.. though it didn't last. haha. but that's okay.
thank you for saying you love me.. 
thank you for loving me..
thank you for existing in my life..
and sorry for all the wrongs i had done...
sorry for all the things that had happened between us...

to my new friend and already become my best friend forever, mr boss =)
thank you for the time you spent for me..
thank you for every single knowledge you gave me..
thank you for letting me to get to know you..
thank you for accompany me while i'm studying.. well, actually you study too :)
it's really been my pleasure to be friend with 'mumtaz' boy. friends forever! :D

hah, this poem i made specially for you...

one day when you feel alone

remember i'm at the end of the phone

  i love you so

and that must show

  that i want to let all the world to know

  i have a friend, that is YOU

  i love you for all you do

your face is so sweet and your heart so gentle

keeping me together when i'm going mental

telling me you love me and that you hold me tight

being there for me even in the night

thank you friend you mean a lot to me

maybe now you'll see

how much you mean to me

 

to the guys who happened to be in just a chapter in my life (or less),
thank you for the memories..
thank you for wanting to know me..
thank you for brightened up my days..
*just let's say we weren't meant for each other.. i pray that you all will someday found a great person.. someday, somehow.. but still, thank you for happened to be in my life though.. thank you..
 
to my friends, housem8, floorm8, classm8, room8, juniors, seniors, students also teachers, just everybody!
thank you for all the moments we shared..
thank you for accepting me the way i am..
thank you for all the lessons you gave..
thank you for making me the person i am today.. :)

NOW FOR THE SORRY PART;

to my beloved family:

sorry mama, sorry aba.. if i was a bad daughter, but i've tried my best..

sorry if i was not being a good family members..

sorry if i was not a dearly sister to my siblings.. but kaka still sayang kamu semua sangat sangat. always remember that i feel grateful to have sweet sisters n brothers like you all :)

sorry adek for not helping you out with your study because you're too far, at zagazig..

sorry waya n umai for calling you two annoying n not bothering both of you sometimes.. bad me!
sorry piee for always mad at you... jangan nakal nakal bha yah, be a good boy okay?
sorry wawan for not being there when you are growing up... nanti mesti wawan nda kenal kaka kan :'(

to my so-called-besties-masrah, rozana, farah, sofi, anie, nad, sarah:

sorry girlfriends if i was not the better friend.. i know i'm not...

sorry girlfriends if i'm not there for you..

sorry if i forgot to ask how's your day..

sorry if i was too busy..

but always remember, you all are my friends dunia akhirat insyaAllah :)

to my mentees, ili, dayang, neesa, anie, sofi, nad, sarah :

sorry if i'm not a good mentor..

sorry if i'm not giving a big help in ya'll study ..

sorry because i'm not planning well on our meeting...
and there is one thank you for ya'll, thank you for ya'll cooperation and time to our mentor-mentee program... i'm really appreciate it... :)

to just everybody, my friends, housem8, classm8, room8, juniors, seniors, students also teachers, anyone!

sorry if i don't bother you.. sometimes i just want my own quality time..

sorry if i don't reply your message.. i just want to be alone or obviously i have no credit. haha XD

sorry if i forgot anyone's birthday..

sorry if i forgot bout anything that i owe u.. i'm forgetful.. just tell me if there's one okay?

sorry if i hurt your feelings.. i know i've already done that. to my floorm8, sorry for everything i've done to ya'll. just hate me if you want, but still i want to ask for ya'll forgiveness... please forgive my mistakes, give me chance to change :'(
and sometimes i can be very outspoken + too honest + straightforward... but who already know me will know that sometimes i don't really mean what i'd said..

sorry if i'm not a good leader.. i've tried my best...

sorry if i was being too secretive n annoyed you.. sometimes i just need privacy..

sorry if my mood swings in a sudden.. sometimes i have problems n i don't feel like talking bout it...
SORRY :(

sorry if i ever forgotten to say that i'm sorry
sorry for everything :) 
halalkan segala makan minumku, hutang hutang ku, dosa dosaku, semua la! 
dan terima kasih untuk segala-galanya. :)

lastly, GOODBYE 2010~
(padahal 11 hari lagi baru new year)

memories

p/s; nah, jadi jangan ingat sangat memori lalu yang bikin sedey...

you're too young to feel this miserable dear :)

don't be a fool

hurt isn't it when someone you love deeply suddenly betrays you..?

it feels like your heart is torn apart.

looking through their picture is extremely painful.

even reminiscing the old happy days doesn't make you smile anymore..

it's not like you ask for being sad about it,

somehow, your tears doesn't seem to know how to stop.

it's not like you ask to be reminded about them,

somehow, even the simplest thing draws you back into the flame.

flame of memories,

the memories you hope to be vanished from your mind;

the memories you hope could vamoose from your heart..

who says it is easy being broken hearted?

it may lasts for weeks, months, even years.

but somehow, someway..

you still have to move on and live..

be strong and hold on to yourself.

let time be the best medicine.

if the one who hurts you could be happy with their life, why shouldn't you?

why should you let your life filled with tears while they live with laughter?

why should you let them screw your life off when theirs aren't?

DON'T BE A FOOL.

THEY DON'T WORTH IT.

the thing they broke is your heart, not your life.

P/S: so, don't make it your life..

karma itu wujud

sometimes you have to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve.

yeah. sangat sangat agree. kau rasa sakit hari ni. kenapa? cuba ingat balik apa yang pernah kau buat sama orang laen dulu. yes, KARMA.

aku suda rasa benda ni. even sekarang pun aku tengah rasa sakit nya. aku terima balasan benda yang aku buat dulu. mistake yang aku buat. aku sedar benda tu salah. aku sedar benda tu buat ramai pihak sakit hati, even kawan-kawan baek aku sndri. tapi aku bodoh, aku buta. aku terus kan jugak. aku lupa dunia, aku lupa karma. and akhirnya aku rasa balik benda tu. rasa sakit tu. rasa macam mana menangis sendiri sebab kena buat begitu. yah, memang aku layak rasa semua tu. maybe orang orang yang terlibat dalam hal tu semua suda move on, semua suda ada hidup baru. kecuali aku, aku tinggal sendiri dalam masalah yang aku create. teda orang bole bantu, teda orang bole buat rasa sakit yang aku rasa ni hilang. aku cuma bole bantu diri sendiri. nampak di luar memang aku okay, aku bole senyum, aku bole ketawa, aku bole cakap pasal benda tu. tp dalam hati aku hancur, kadang kadang aku rasa lemas.

semua orang buat salah. tapi apa yang penting, jangan terus lari dari track. balik pegi track yang sepatutnya. berubah jadi lebih baik. insyaAllah masa depan kita lebih baik dari hari ini... :)

just wait

sometimes in life you get to choose; it's all liars,

cause in any way, you still get hurt with your options.

know what? i cant make any decision right now. just let everything go with the flow. for the time being, hope everything will be fine. i just want to be okay again. sometimes, when i sit alone, i would cry when remember all the past. i hope time will heal my wound. i always love you; that's what makes me hurt. i just have to be patient and accept all that Allah had decide for me. :)